That voice in my head named Charles!

Wake up, make coffee, have breakfast, do chores, cook lunch, have lunch, watch some TV, be social (as much as your mood would allow you!), relax from the day, sleep and repeat!!

Sums up most of our lives, with minor differences like no cooking and going to work instead of chores. Other than that, we are all in an endless loop of monotony.

I have the exception of a little voice in my head! A little voice that keeps on bugging me all day, every day and sometimes in my sleep! I shall call it Charles, yes! Charles seems very fitting as a name. He is a British child who sounds too sophisticated for his age and wants to do nothing but play and wreak havoc all the time yet is very docile and innocent, also it is Charles and not Charlie because he always wants to be taken seriously! Not sure why I chose that name or nationality, but I guess “the voice” has a mind of its own, it chose, not me!!!

So, I would wake up thinking of all the things I want to do that day and Charles would convince me to think of something hypothetical, unimportant and have me pondering about it all day! Like what if my cat decided to talk, what would it say? Will it like me? Or when I am cooking lunch and Charles decides to role play that I am Chef on TV and I start explaining my process in a very unnecessary and theatrical way!

Charles also puts a lot of scenarios in my head about anything that I want to say or do! Even if it as simple as calling a friend or getting groceries, a little voice always says- You will see that person, or the conversation is going to go in that direction and you need to say this and do that! You see, I am never bored, granted these scenarios never happen, but I am always entertained!

The thing is, most adults don’t have a Charles! They had one probably till they were about 7, but they grew out of it, I didn’t! Well I did for a while, and I was miserable, I felt like I was living in that weird loop of monotony, not having any fun and not connecting to my dreams.

The old people I like knowing and watching are those in their 70’s or 80’s, still wearing what they like, dancing and just having fun. Most people in their 30’s are not like that. We seem to think that as we get older we need to get serious, but what is “serious”? It doesn’t mean that we stop having fun, and sure does not mean that we become living Zombies, always worrying about the next problem that will happen.

Having said that, there is a BIG difference between being a Zombie and being reckless and irresponsible. You see, most adults want more, more of everything, if they have a car then they want to upgrade it; if they have a house, then they want a bigger one and so on. As an adult, you need a job, a roof over your head and a means of transportation. We take it to the next level….

Growing up, I never wanted to be the best in terms of ownership, I never wanted the big house, the best car or the gazillion clothes and shoes and whatever. No, I wanted to be happy, I wanted to be good and kind and I wanted to have worth as a person and not as an owner of possessions. Charles keeps me in place, that little voice always asks before I want to buy something- Do you really need it? How will it change your life to own it?

Charles cares about having fun, but he also doesn’t want to grow up! A lot of times I find myself refusing to be the adult I see in others around me, I refuse to be boring, I refuse to worry about things before they happen, and I refuse to turn into a Zombie!

As an adult woman, I hardly put on make-up, do my hair or worry much about fashion trends; I however, always dress nice, do my nails and take very good care of my hygiene. I do not wish to be judged by my appearance, I want to be judged according to who I am as a person. This is where Charles comes in handy, that little voice keeps on telling me that I do not need to be like everyone else to be accepted, that I don’t need to all dolled up to have fun; and nothing can be more true. This of course makes me excluded from a lot of “adult” conversations since they believe that I am just so different. But out comes Charles again and I am entertained!

I am not insane though! I know that there is no Charles, but I also know that we all need one. We all need an inner child, a child who does not care about the materialistic world and just want to have fun again, we all need to stop and breathe for a while. Women need to stop worrying about how they look all the time and adults need to stop anticipating problems before they happen. When I get over stressed and feel that life is too much I take a break, I dance, I read, I laugh and act silly, I reconnect with how I would have acted as a child and I feel better. My only problem is that when I do that people just think that I am being aloof.

I try to still look at the world with child-like wonder, I do not see anything as impossible and always let my mind run free, I let Charles run wild! Even though I do not have a care-free life, I am not spoiled or ridiculously rich, I do not have all that I have ever wished for, but I still have the things that I let no one take away from me, my imagination, my wonder, my mind and soul.

Maybe you too need a Charles in your life, a reminder that we are all children with experiences and a forced role to play that was given to us by society. Today my inner child told me to write, just simply put my unfiltered thoughts out there, I always wanted to be a writer (I know I am not very good at it!) but I still do it even though I know no one really reads what I write, and no one cares! But I do it for me! I do it hoping that one day people will read and maybe something will change, I do it because it makes me happy, but most of all, I do it so I do not lose touch with Charles!